10 Fucked up Disney Love Stories
Today is National Single Awareness Day, err Valentine’s Day. While everyone is celebrating love and posting how deep said love is for the gram, I’m in bed starring at the ceiling thinking about how fucked up Disney movies are. Whether it’s a parent being shot in front of their child by a hunter or a villain being hung by vine, Disney has a strange way of portraying love. Of the hundreds of Disney movies floating around, here are the 10 that were the most ugh to me:
So, check it, ya girl Cindy is in a fucked-up living situation looking for a way out. She goes to the royal function trying for her chance at the Prince. Prince thinks she’s the baddest and turns the village inside out looking for the girl that fits the glass slipper, as if there is only one woman that would fit the shoe. Prince finds Cindy and they live happily ever after. Cindy fell in love with the notion that the Prince can uproot her from her shitty situation and the Prince fell in love with the first girl to fit a shoe.
2. Snow White and 3. Sleeping Beauty
Both were poisoned by two of the baddest villains (I’m ready to argue) only to be awaken via a kiss by mfs they just met/don’t even know. Can you imagine being kissed out of your sleep by a man you don’t even know then marrying him soon after. Cringey.
4. The Jungle Book
Not a love story but when Mowgli arrives to the village he becomes all googly-eyed for the first girl he sees. Tuh!
5. The Little Mermaid
Bruh, Ariel sold her fucking voice to a witch just to meet a nigga she whose name she doesn’t even know! Her.whole.ass.voice!
6. Beauty and the Beast
Bell fell in love with the fucker that locked her up and threw away the key.
Aladdin, like some men, lied about who he is and where he came from. Ya mans said he was a prince but he was homeless. Like a homeless man said he was a prince, let that sink in. Even after it was revealed, Jasmine’s said “Whatevs. If we get married, you can really be a prince.”
8. The Lion King
This is my fav Disney film of all time so I’m going to tread lightly here. *take deep dramatic breath* We can’t ignore Simba and Nala are family, cousins to be exact. So yeah.
9. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
My first exposure to the friend-zone. Poor Quasi. He rescued Esmerelda a few times throughout the film yet she had her eyes set on Phoebus. Also, can we discuss how rapey Frollo was?
Probably the only Disney movie I ball my fucking eyes out every time. If you say the first 10 minutes doesn’t have you in your feelings, I’m going to assume you left your soul in the car and I need you to go grab it real quick before it gets cold.