Hold The Door: Game of Thrones Season 6 Recap
Well well well it’s that time of year again when your Sunday evenings are filled with bastards, bad b*tches, and dragons: GAME OF THRONES! I wanted to ensure every character and plot was fresh in my memory so I watch season 6 all over again. Below are the SparkNotes for season 6. You’re welcome.
Season 6 picks off where season 5 ended, Jon Snow stabbed to death by his fellow brethren. I know I’m not alone when I say, Olly.has.to.die!
Sansa and Reek, err, Theon are still on the run from Ramsey’s crazy ass after escaping Winterfell. When Ramsey’s soldiers catch up with them, we think it’s the end but alas, Brienne of Tarth comes to the rescue; she swears by the old gods and the new that she would protect Sansa at all costs and that she has.
If you thought things couldn’t possibly get worse for Cersei, you clearly haven’t learned anything in 6 seasons of this show. After her walk of shame (rings bell), Cersei learns that her only daughter, Myrcella, has been killed at the hands (lips) of Ellaria Sand (House of Dorne).
Queen Margaery is still in the High Sparrow’s prison for the crime of knowing her brother was gay…yeah
Speaking of the High Sparrow, he and Unella (the “shame” woman), HAS ta go
Oh, in addition to killing Myrcella, Ellaria also kills Prince Doran and his son because no weak men allowed!
Daenerys is still in the hilltops where Drogon dropped her off and went on about his business. While there, she is met by the Dothraki. Once they discover she is the widow of Khal Drogo, Daenerys is told she must live out her days with the other Khaleesis.
Arya is still blind but that doesn’t stop the Waif from beating the sh*t out of her as a form of training.
At the end of episode 1, we discover that the Red Woman is really REALLY old and the source of her youth comes from her necklace.
Bran is still in three-eyed raven training. During this training, Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven travel to the past, Ned’s past. We see that Hodor’s real name is Wyllis and he could say more than “Hodor”.
Tommen is still the worst king ever.
Still waiting for the High Sparrow’s demise.
Tyrion suggests the remaining dragons should be unshackled. Did I see a quick bonding moment with one of the dragons? IS HE REALLY A TARGARYEN?!
Arya is still blindly losing, err, fighting the Waif.
And Ramsey starts the craziness early this season. Well he kills his father after learning his step-mother gave birth to a boy. Oh, he then fed his step-mother and freshly born brother to the hounds.
Balon Greyjoy, Lord of the Iron Islands, is thrown to his death by his brother.
Ser Davos asks the Red Woman to use magic to bring Jon Snow back from the dead. After some hesitation, she finally agrees. She performs the spell but it doesn’t seem to work. When everyone has left the room, Jon breathes again!
So, Jon Snow is indeed alive. Ghost was spooked and the Red Woman couldn’t believe she did it.
Gilly, Sam, and little Sam are en route to where maesters are “made”. But Sam wants to take Gilly and the baby to his home so they are safe.
Bran is continuing his training and learning more about his father’s past. At one point, the Three-Eyed Raven urged it was time to leave but Bran being hard headed called for his father who seemed to hear him. Could this be an indication that one could connect to the past?
Daenerys is now in the house of widows but we all know she will figure out how to get out of there.
We discover what Lord Varys little birds are, children. They have their ears to the streets for a small payment of sugared plums.
The High Sparrow still needs to go away and Tommen is still useless.
Arya can return to the House of Black and White and is in full training to be no one. The Faceless Man gives Arya her sight back.
Ramsey is trying to get the other houses in the north to join is army, instead he is given Rickon Stark and Osha. This is bound to end in tragedy.
Jon Snow hanged those that killed him. Before hanging them, he gave them the opportunity to say their last words and Olly had the nerve to say nothing but gave Jon a scorned expression. Whatever kid.
After the hangings, Jon announces he is no long Lord Commander.
Sansa finally arrives to Castle Black where she and Jon are reunited (I’m not crying, you are). Sansa urges Jon to join her in taking back Winterfell.
Brienne reveals to Ser Davos and the Red Woman that she is the one that killed Stannis.
Lord Baelish aka Littlefinger finally graces our screens and returns to the Vale to shake sh*t up, obvi.
Tyrion proposed a plan to the masters to end slavery after 7 years. Grey Worm and Missandei were pressed being they are former slaves.
Daario and Jorah are still searching for Daenerys. They sneak into the Dothraki city to rescue her but of course she has another plan.
Margaery is still in jail but she finally gets to see her brother.
Theon returns home to the Iron Islands where Yara is not too pleased at his arrival. She thinks he wants the throne but he wants to aid in her reign.
Ramsey kills Osha when he reveals he knows she was protecting Rickon.
Ramsey sends Jon a letter stating that he has Rickon and he wants Sansa back.
Daenerys traps and burns the Dothraki leaders alive and emerges from the flares. Bow down b*tches.
Littlefinger visits Sansa but she isn’t happy. He says he’ll help her in any way he can and she basically tells him to f*ck off.
Arya is still fighting the Waif and losing. It’s clear the Waif doesn’t like Arya. The Faceless man gives Arya instructions to kill an actress- this is her last chance to prove she is No One.
When Arya finds the actress, Lady Crane, she is acting as Cersei in a play; the play is making a mockery of everything that has happened to the Stark clan.
During Three-Eyed Raven training, Bran discovers the Children of the Forest created the White Walkers by placing dragon glass through the heart of a man who would become the Night King. She created the White Walkers as protection against man.
Yara tells her people she is the rightful heir to the throne and Theon backs her up. Everyone seems to agree until their uncle shows up and he is declared king. Yara and Theon escape with a fleet of ships and sail to Meereen.
Daenerys, Daario, and Jorah share a moment and Jorah reveals he has grayscale. Daenerys commands him to find the cure, heal himself then return to her side.
Another Red Woman is summoned to Meereen for a meeting with Lord Varys and Tyrion. When Varys challenges her, she hints that she knows Varys’ story and he is visibly shook.
Bran raggedy ass goes Three-Eyed Ravening by himself and royally f*cks up. In this vision, he sees White Walkers and thinks they can’t see him but of course they can. The Night King grabs Bran and instantly knows where they’re hiding. Now the Three-Eyed Raven must give Bran a crash course before the White Walkers arrive. I hate Bran.
Jon, Sansa, and Ser Davos are trying to figure out which houses in the north will join his army.
The White Walkers arrive at the Three-Eyed Raven’s cave. Bran is still in Three-Eyed Raven training mode while the White Walkers break into the cave. Summer, Bran’s direwolf, is killed. The Three-Eyed Raven is killed by the Night King. Bran is still in the trance when he sees young Hodor. Young Hodor appears to see Bran too. A moment later, young Hodor drops to the ground and has a seizure. In real time, Meera yells for Hodor to hold the door so she and Bran can escape. In the vision, Hodor is still having a seizure and yelling hold the door which gradually sounds like Hodor. Yo I’m STILL weeping.
Meera is still pulling bran. Flashes of visions are seen. They are saved by a flame welding man.
Sam, Gilly, and little Sam arrive at his home. Sam advised Gilly to tell his fam the baby is his and he met her in the north as his father doesn't like wildlings
Tommen visits Margaery in prison.
Gilly and Sam have dinner with his family; it didn't go well. But Sam’s father allows Gilly and the baby to stay. Sam decides to leave and takes family sword.
Arya has a conversation with Lady Crane and decides she’s not going to kill her. Arya knocks the poisonous drink from her hand. The Waif sees this, tells the Faceless man and he gives her permission to kill Arya.
Arya digs needle from its hiding place.
Margaery attempts to take her walk of shame but is interrupted by her father’s army. When Jamie confronts the High Sparrow, when we learn that the crown and faith have joined forces. Jamie is demoted for "going against the crown". Tommen is seriously the worst.
We learn that Uncle Benjen saved Bran and Meera. He is a white walker but not really. He was saved via stabbed in the heart with dragon glass. Yikes
Daenerys gives Dothraki a powerful monologue whilst riding Drogon. Sh*t is about to get real.
The Hound is alive!!
Margaery is still playing her role. The High Sparrow inadvertently threatens her grandmother. When they meet, Margaery hands grandmother a note with a rose drawn on it.
The Wildlings debate whether they should fight with Jon; they all agree to do so.
Jamie is instructed to take back the Blackfish's castle which belongs to the Frey house.
Jon and Sansa arrange a meeting with Lady Lyanna of Bear Island, a girl all of 10, and ask for her allegiance against the Boltons. She obliges but only has 62 men to spare.
Blackfish refuses to give up the castle.
House Glover refuses to serve under the Starks as the Boltons provided aide to them in retrieving their house. The House blames Robb for its siege in the first place.
Yara demands Theon to get his sh*t together or kill himself. He seems to get the message.
Sansa is pressed they don't have enough men for the battle. She sends a raven but to whom?!
Members of the Brotherhood happen upon the Hound’s people; he doesn't have a good feeling about it.
Arya books passage on a ship that leaves at dawn. Of course, the Waif finds Arya and stabs her. Arya falls into water to escape so the Waif thinks she's dead.
While the Hound is away chopping wood, he comes back to all the people dead. He grabs an axe ready to take action.
Arya returns to the play grounds where she met Lady Crane. Lady Cranes takes Arya in and dresses her wounds. She invites Arya on tour but Arya declines stating she's heading west of Westeros.
The Hounds kills most of the men that killed his people and searches for the rest.
Varys leaves Meereen for Westeros for men and ships.
The Little Sparrows try to evict Cersei from the Red Keep per the High Sparrow’s instructions.
Brienne tries to convince the Blackfish to give up castle and fight with Sansa but he refuses. His reason being, he doesn't want to surrender his home.
Tommen, in true b*tch made fashion, abolished trial by combat which means Cersei is screwed.
Tyrion, Grey Worm, and Missandei drink wine and tell jokes. The masters return to take their property aka slaves.
Brienne urges the Blackfish escape with her but he rather go down fighting. Jamie and his men concur and sees that Brienne and Pod escaped via the river.
Meereen is attacked by the masters and Daenerys returns.
The Hound crosses paths with other members of the Brotherhood. They are ready to hang those that killed the people. They allow the Hound to hang two of the three men they captured.
The Waif kills Lady Crane and is in high pursuit of Arya. Arya leads her to a dark area and fights the Waif, that blind training came in handy. After defeating the Waif, Arya returns to the House of Black and White and adds the Waif face to the many-faced wall. She then confronts the Faceless man and he proclaims she is finally no one. Being the bad b*tch she is, Arya says she is “Arya Stark of Winterfell and is going home”. FINALLY!
And here’s the episode we've all been waiting for: Battle of the Bastards
Meereen is still under attack by the masters. Daenerys is pressed with Tyrion for the initially agreement he made with the masters. Chaos ensues but Daenerys, the Unsullied, and the Dothraki, and the dragons get sh*t done.
The day before the battle, Jon and Ramsey meet up. Ramsey wants him to surrender and of course that's dead.
Jon instructs the Red Woman not to bring him back if he dies in the battle. She insists that if it’s the Lord of Light’s will then she will do it.
Ser Davos finds the stag he craved for Shireen in a heap of burned wood.
Theon and Yara arrived to Meereen. They explain their situation to Daenerys and vow to help her. In return, they want the iron islands. Daenerys agrees so long as they change their way of life.
Ramsey let's Rickon go. He tells him to run across the battlefield to Jon. As Rickon runs, Ramsey shoots arrows at him. As soon as Jon is close enough, an arrow hits Rickon killing him and the Battle of the Bastards begins.
Just when we thought Jon and co were going to lose, Littlefinger comes through with a whole ass army.
Ramsey escapes back to Winterfell, but Jon catches up and beats the sh*t out of Ramsey. Ramsey is put in a cell and Sansa sicks his own dogs on him and watches.
It's time for Cersei and the Loras Tyrell’s trial. Cersei doesn't show up. Loras confesses his sins and renounced his claim to the Highgarden thrown.
During the trial, the Mountain blocked Tommen’s room so he doesn’t leave. As the trail is taking place, everyone who has been against Cersei is being killed.
Everyone at the trial is killed via wildfire. Cersei saves Unella for herself. She has her bound to a table and instructs the Mountain to torture her. We finally see what the Mountain looks like under the helmet. Ew
When Tommen learns everyone including his wife is dead, he jumps from his window.
Sam and Gilly finally made it to Oldtown.
Ser Davos confronts the Red Woman about Shireen. Davos asks Jon to execute her but Jon banishes her.
Grandma Tyrell becomes allies with Dorne women.
Per Tyrion’s suggestion, Daenerys leaves Daario in Meereen to look after things. She names Tyrion Hand of the Queen.
Using one of the faces, Arya kills the Frey men because duh.
Littlefinger made a move on Sansa. He pledged to allegiance to House Stark.
Uncle Benjen brings Bran and Meera to the wall. Bran goes to Three-Eyed Raven mode to his father’s past. His aunt Lyanna gives birth to a baby, Jon Snow obvi.
All the northern houses declare Jon Snow King of the North.
Cersei is proclaimed queen again.
Daenerys sails to Westeros for the battle for the throne.
Though I’m sups pressed they’re pulling a Harry Potter and splitting this last season into two, I’m excited to see what the writers and producers have up their sleeves.