Today Was Supposed To Be My Wedding Day
Today was supposed to be my wedding day. About 5 years ago I️ started dating a man who I️ swore would be my husband. Within a year of our whirlwind of a romance, we discussed marriage and picked November 11, 2017 as the wedding day. As I sit here writing this, I realize we have been broken up for about 2.5 years and are just now on good terms. It’s crazy to think that we had everything planned out and yet here I️ am: single af, 6 months into figuring out a new career path and on the brink of discovering who I️ am and my purpose in life.
In quiet moments of singlehood, I️ sometimes wonder if would’ve stayed in the toxicity I️ called a lovely relationship. What if I️ was just a little “stronger” and withstood the verbal and emotional abuse; I️ would be someone’s wife and possibly a mother by now. Living the life as an attorney’s wife, not wanting for anything financially but everything emotionally and spiritually. Once I️ snap out of the trance, I️ thank God He removed me from that mess. I do believe He has someone better for me and made exactly for me. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m no longer actively seeking companionship and love, rather putting that energy into myself and my faith in God.
During the low points of this break-up, I️ begged the Lord to give me the life He has for me but only when I️ was ready. I asked that I️ have a solid relationship with Him, my family/friends, and a popping ass career. Though it’s proven to be difficult, I’m working on all of the above. Maybe in a parallel universe I’m slipping on my wedding dress and gleefully walking down the aisle. But on this plane of reality, I’m working on being whole again.