Open Letter To A F*ck Boy
Let me preface this by saying this is the last time I will utter any of this and the last time I will express my thoughts and feelings to you. I was open to you. Despite all my best judgement and will, I decided to be open and vulnerable. I let my guard down thinking you would have my back. You said and did all the right things, only for you to pull back and away. Is it me? Is it something I did or said? Why would you expose me, vulnerable to all the elements to not cover me in a cloak of warm and embrace? I'm still taken aback that you asked me to be more open and vulnerable with you but you're still entertaining other people. It's like you want to here to be used at your disposal and when you're done playing in the streets, be with me. What's more frustrating is I'm genuinely here; no one else is involved, no "casual friends", kissing buddies, nothing. It's me and you. I deserve to deal with someone who thinks enough of me to only want to deal with me. I am so tired, so f*cking tired. First you blatantly disrespect and disregard my feelings, wants, needs and desires. Then you continually strip this relationship to nothing because YOU say so, constantly pulling the rug from under my feet. You say one thing, only to do the complete opposite and wonder why I'm always pissed. You seem to open doors that you have no intention of walking through. When I openly express myself to you, you blow me off and call me emotional and irrational without taking any responsibility. I beg for some of your time and attention but you always find a way to blow me off, make excuses, meanwhile you always find time for other people. Why can't I get the same courtesy you extend to everyone else?
You clearly do not care or respect me or my time. Here I am wracking my brain wondering if I did something for you to treat me this way. But you know what, it’s not me, it’s you. You are the master manipulator, always finding a way to flip the situation on me. You are a coward with your empty words and doing just enough to make me feel special in a moment but not doing enough to sustain the feeling. You find a way to make me feel so crazy when you’re the crazy one, thinking you could talk to and treat me in such a manner. You just keep shitting on me. In the bigger scheme of things, not only do you not respect or care about me, you don’t appreciate me. How dare you lay down with me knowing how I feel but the feeling isn’t mutual. I want to be in a situation where, at the bare minimum, I feel secure, solely wanted, and where I am valued. And I clearly won’t be getting that here. I've been through entirely too much bullshit to settle for anything less than what I deserve. Your loss kid.